|"welcome to the pink corner"|
"I wrote a list of my demands, but I left it at a friends. I rehearsed a little speech, but the whole thing got too preachy - and it seems like I'm back on scratch again."
Never in my eighteen years (now that is surreal) did I expect to turn an angst filled album track by the Sugababes into one of the most pivotal starting points for a blog post in the past three months. In recent weeks my attendance at the school of blogging has reached crisis point, and though in theory I was alive and kicking, inside I was clinging on for dear life as my fingertips became sweaty and my grip faltered one too many times.
As my Timehop application has so delightfully told me, a year ago today I released a stereotypical female blogger post, full of grainy outfit selfies which released the clothing I held on my back to the world alongside a five lined paragraph detailing the nonsensical moments that had graced my life in the two days prior, along with what I had expected to achieve. But in my heart of hearts, I knew that the text I was reading wasn't me. I knew that the chattery language that sounded like the conversation I would only hold with my dearest acquaintances was fake, and I definitely knew that every breathing syllable that escaped my keyboard that day was written months before in order to maintain an identity in the cyber world while trying to achieve a consistent grade in my AS levels.
The sad thing is, I always knew that this was wrong. It was zapping out every creative instinct I had inside, reducing it to a numb feeling in the bottom of my stomach when it should have been punching its way to the top, allowing me to feel elated as I word vomited thoughts onto a near black keyboard before the coveted orange publish button was finally pressed. So what did I do about it? I shut the blog down. I gave up. And once again this year fate decided that the same cycle was to occur. I believed that in the run up to exams, I should schedule every damn post just so something was posted. What an idiot. Why the hell would people want to read an half-arsed ramble when they expect a fun filled thought out memory splurge? I know I wouldn't.
And that is why I've decided that from now on, all of my posts will be spontaneous. No more damn scheduling. I know it works for some people, I know sometimes it's the only option in a life crammed full of work hours and parties, but it's not for me. Every splurge you see written on this blog now will be written from my damn heart as I navigate my way through an exciting world. And if you don't see me for a week, so be it. The times you do see me will make every half arsed post seem ridiculously trash worthy.
Thank you for your time.